Once you're through the nine levels of DRM Hell, the game opens with the protagonist getting conscripted into some kind of militia and told that their job is to work their way through all the levels of the Tower of Babylon in order to finally defeat the Blue Meanies and presumably in some way profit.
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I thought the download size was suspiciously small.īut I figured, "Hey, have some faith, Yahtzee! This is PlatinumGames they have Bayonetta and Nier: Automata, and that Anarchy Reigns thing they probably hope no one will ever bring up again! There's nothing wrong with eschewing the ridiculous graphical standards of today in favor of a deliberately retro look they might be a few years too early for the PS3 nostalgia wave, when brown and bloom will come back into fashion, and we must resignedly headbutt the nearest wrought-iron fence spike, but someone's got to be the pioneer." So I gave it a chance, and swiftly determined that Babylon's Fall hasn't so much gotten ahead of time as gotten its head on a subway track. It looks like a PS3 game, all brown and flatly lit, with characters textured and animated like a papier-mâché diorama about kitchen utensils it even has a classic case of cheaping out on the cutscenes by just panning over still images with increasingly agonizing slowness.
What the fuck possible benefit do you imagine I'd extract from signing up for another fucking account, Square Enix, other than one more excuse to never check my email? Christ, this is like trying to get through airport security with an inflatable novelty suitcase nuke!īut eventually, I got through it all, and when I was on the other side of the metal detector, putting my shoes back on and admiring the new tag they'd punched through my ear, I cast a look around and thought to myself, "Ooh! This looks like shit!" As in, it literally resembles fecal matter, decked out mostly in glistening browns, except for a streak of vibrant blue from an accidentally-swallowed whiteboard marker. Got past that, and Babylon's Fall still wouldn't unbutton its top until I also signed into a Square Enix account. It's like a highway bypass: I understand why it needs to exist, but I'd rather not have one in my house.
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Not that it made it easy first, it wouldn't even start without a PS Plus subscription, even though I only wanted to play single-player because, you know, humanity.
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I tried out Babylon's Fall, Platinum's new live service hack and slash-a-thon on PS5 or had a crack at it, if you will. So far, this quarter's been dropping out heavy hitters like a trapdoor in a domestic violence shelter, but we find ourselves in an in-betweeny sort of week, so let's look at something that might've fallen through the cracks, or indeed, something that fell out of a crack, and then proceeded to do a lot of crack. This week in Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews Babylon's Fall.
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